Psychopaths Begone!

Do you have psychopaths or narcissists making your life miserable? Are you struggling to make sense of what is going on? Is the psychopath living rent free in your head?

Psychobegone.com was written to help you to understand what is being done to you, why it is being done and by whom.

As you already know, dealing with psychopaths and narcissists is a complicated situation.

Nobody seems to get what it's like for you. Your friends and family may be fed up with your talking about it all the time. They think you should just forget the manipulator and move forward with your life.

But that just makes you feel worse because you can't quite manage to do that so you assume that there must be something wrong with you. And that brings up the idea that the manipulator might have been right that you were the problem all along! And you are back into one of those vicious loops that the manipulator set up for you...

 

Information is key

There is lots of information available nowadays about this topic. Unfortunately, not all information is equal. Some information only reinforces erroneous beliefs and keeps you in bad loops. There are psychopaths and narcissists putting out information to take advantage of victims all over again.

Many people have been researching for years and are still struggling to recover.

It's not just information that is key. More precisely, it's information about mind control that is key.

When you realize that you have been in a relationship with a psychopaths or a narcissists, then it becomes easier to see the lies, the deception, the humiliation and the overt aspects of the abuse. But somehow, that's not quite enough. You may still be terrified of bumping into them, or even the thought of receiving a call or a message from them gives you palpitations and creates general anxiety. These issues can go on for years.

The important thing here is the things that you are not aware of. What other tactics were used against you that you know nothing of? With all the techniques used against you, what are the effects of these techniques that you don't understand?

If you are not aware of something, you cannot resist it, either physically or mentally. Therein lies a major difficulty.

You were subjected to all sorts of things that were done to you without your consent and outside of your awareness. If you don't know how, specifically, the psychopaths, narcissists or sociopaths got into your head, you cannot hope to get them out of your head.

 

What information?

The idea is that if you cannot define the problem, finding a solution is almost impossible. The clearer you can articulate the problem, the easier it is to create solutions.

Is being in a relationship with a psychopath a problem? Absolutely it is. Is it enough to know that you were in such a relationship in order to fix things? Unfortunately not. Chances are that you already know your partner/friend/group leader is a psychopath or a narcissist. But despite what you have tried, you know that you are still struggling.

What's missing is information about the subtleties of the manipulation that you were subjected to.

What specifically did the manipulator say and do? Why did they choose these particular things with you? What effects did these things have on your perceptions, your thinking, your decision making, your emotions, your behaviors, your relationship to the manipulator, your relationship with yourself and even your reality?

A thorough understanding of the answers to these questions will give you a very different perspective on what was done to you and why. Understanding the manipulative techniques allows you to undo the effects of them. As well as that, instead of having to react to them in the way that you were basically trained to react, it gives you options and behavioral flexibility in terms of your future responses.

 

 

What do psychopaths do to people?

Very briefly, psychopaths and narcissists change people's personalities. They destroy a person's real personality, replacing it with a personality that is programmed to make the manipulator the center of its universe, following instructions, doing things to please the manipulator, never questioning or criticizing and even programmed to defend the manipulator. Think slave! (The same thing happens whether it's a cult, an abusive relationship, a psychopathic relationship in the workplace and so on.)

Intense psychological influence techniques are applied to the victims over weeks, months and years, keeping this false personality, or pseudopersonality, in place. When a person leaves the abusive environment, this pseudopersonality does not simply disappear. It will persist for years unless something is done about it.

Remember the idea that you cannot resist that which you are not aware of? A victim who leaves (or is thrown out) typically thinks that they were mostly making their own decisions in the relationship. Therefore they don't often think that they need to undo those decisions. This makes it incredibly difficult to undo the effects of mind control on one's own.

 

A word about cults

Cults are usually run by psychopaths and narcissists. Cult members also have their personalities changed by the leader, too.

This is why parents will often say of their child, "We don't recognize him after that weekend program in the group. He acts differently, he believes and says odd things, what used to be black is now white, what used to be good is now bad." What they are describing is the personality that the cult has imposed on their son or daughter.

You can think of an abusive relationship as a cult of 2 people. There is a manipulative leader in each situation using similar influence techniques with similar effects on the victims.

 

So how do you get rid of the psychopaths?

The trick, if you like, is to learn exactly how the psychopaths created a space in your head. How did they charm you from the start into thinking that they were a good fit and match for you? How did you get to the point where you thought it was a good idea to get involved with them?

At what point did their behavior change? How did they know what they could get away with in your relationship with them?

How did they push you beyond your limits? Why did you do things that you would not otherwise have done?

How did they use rewards and punishments to keep you docile and doing what they wanted?

None of these questions are meant to make you feel guilty. Notice that I keep asking what the manipulator was doing? There is a power imbalance built into a relationship with psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists and it is put in place intentionally and deliberately by the manipulators. They are basically in charge of the system. You are not. None of what happened is your fault.

I know, throughout the relationship you were led to believe that anything bad that happened was your fault and anything good that happened the manipulator took credit for. This is part of the distorted reality that these creatures create for their victims. It takes some time for a victim to realize that the situation was not their responsibility, that their decisions were not fully informed. However, it is fundamental to a good recovery.

Once you understand what they did to you, and how they did it, the effects of the manipulation wear off, the dependency disappears and you have the ability to make different choices about the relationship, choices that benefit you.

 

Taking on psychopaths and narcissists

Getting into a power struggle with a psychopath is a big job. The whole relationship has been a power struggle whether you were aware of it or not. These types are very competitive and they have to win. They are prepared to do anything in order to be first, in charge, top dog, the best and so on.

A separation or a divorce just brings this power struggle into the open, so to speak. If you hadn't noticed the power dynamics before (and many people are not aware of it, this is the nature of mind control) the separation makes it obvious who has the sense of entitlement, who thinks they deserve special treatment, who thinks that the rules do not apply to them.

Many victims think that after the separation or divorce that things will settle. Psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths live to dominate and exploit others. Letting somebody get away does not go well with them and they typically find ways to harass, upset, abuse and continue to interfere in their victims' lives even after separating.

If there are children involved, well, I don't need to say much more at this point. You probably feel like you are in a living hell.

Taking psychopaths and narcissists on without knowing what you are dealing with is a nightmare.

Learning about what you are dealing with, understanding their patterns and motivations, not getting drawn into the emotional chaos, all make a huge difference in terms of how things go for you, what you want for yourself and the final result.

Oftentimes, more important than what happens in court, is getting the manipulator out of your head. This is not an easy task. It takes time, effort and patience. It is an emotional process. There are no short cuts. However, it is always worth it.

If I haven't put you off(!), then there are lots of articles here about psychopaths, narcissists, sociopaths, abusive relationships, mind control, the dynamics in toxic families, workplace abuse and so on. Here are some suggestions to get you started...

What makes someone a psychopath?

Dealing with a sociopath

What is an abusive relationship? Things you need to know

Recovering from a psychopathic relationship

Characteristics of a cult

The dynamics in toxic families

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